The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
