She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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