put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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