I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
