That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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