And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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