Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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