He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
