i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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