Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
