Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
