Fine. I'll sleep in my office
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
