I am in a vortex of obligation.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
