I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
