In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
