I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
