drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
