He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
