Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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