it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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