Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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