Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
