Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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