We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize