the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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