Can Purell be used as lube?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
