he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
