If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
