I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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