I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
