chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
