Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
