I was born with a shot glass in my hand
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
