and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
