She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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