he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
