You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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