what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Damn victory sex feels great
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
