You're so nebulous sometimes
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Jerry, you need to find god
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
