i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
