College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
