My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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