There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
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I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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