hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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