didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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