i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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