You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
