Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
