you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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