Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
