YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
