I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
