I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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