he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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