I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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