We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
