Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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