It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
