Are we in a gay sports bar?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
