I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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