This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
