Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
