Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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