It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
