What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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