What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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