I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
