dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
