I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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