i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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