The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
