He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
