she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
