Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
