can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
