idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
