Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
