either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
