and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
