I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
